Late at night, way past bedtime, after picking a fight with his father about the million little hurts he'd experienced, I felt guided to enter his bedroom. I felt it was time to interrupt the energy of communication and presence the mother. When you are an empathic mother, there is a visceral reaction when your child is struggling. Knowing my son was in a difficult moment, it feel it slip into my own body. Holding the container for his experience, I also alchemise it within me. As the tears run down his 11 year old cheeks, he confides the deep hurt in his heart. Its a big obstacle and takes a while to come forward. I receive his hurts with an open heart. Steading myself in my heart space. Giving him plenty of energetic space to let the pain spill out of his own heart. No judgment or reaction. Just presence. Acute awareness of the empathic response of my body. Grounding myself to Mother Gaia to give me the wisdom of THIS moment. When all the hurt was out, he accepted a big hug and my reassurance that he was not alone, he was not walking the road of adolesence alone. He feel asleep immediately.
Now I hold his burdens in my heart. I exit his room. Wow, did it hurt. If this was what his little 11 year old heart was carrying with it, well, I’ll take that pain and alchemise it. I'll breathe it in with my next breath. Bring that hurt deep into my lungs. My heart. Where I birthed him 11 years ago. I will alchemise it for you son, until you learn to alchemise it yourself. We won't leave it to fester. We won't hold this vibration in your cells to be ignored until some future moment it begins to fester. I will hold space for you today and offer you languages for your emotions: the language of water, receiving your tears. The language of vibration, as your voice makes sense of the swirling feelings inside of you. The language of abstractions, of intangible concepts that will stay in his toolkit for all his life. I stand before you and witness your process. I hold you in a concentration of love and acceptance just as you are. You are my medicine. You are my love.